I don't think brook has ever known best
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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