I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
