i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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