I'm lost and stupid without you.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
