in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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