i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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