its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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