How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
