She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
