Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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