3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
