so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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