the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
even my farts smell like vagina
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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