just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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