I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
