we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
