found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Your cock deserves a montage
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
