Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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