Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So vagazzling was a success
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
