i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
