I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
one might say we're banned from that church
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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