I just pynch a tree in the face
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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