If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
