Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
