I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
