drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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