no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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