I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
