If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
