Sry I called you an 8
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Randomize
