oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
