Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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