i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I want to fling myself into the sun
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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