I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
