It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
