Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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