I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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