I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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