I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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