Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
