just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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