Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
