i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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