Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
