He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Duck Duck Cougar?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
