I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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