There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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