I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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