I want to walk on stilts...naked
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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