I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
