You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
