thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He better not be in your backpack
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
