Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
