You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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