Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
