1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
