Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
