we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You left your phone here
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