idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
