OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Come on in and take your pants off
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