jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
