You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
