so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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