my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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