It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
