I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I could fuck to npr.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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