I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
