Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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