Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
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He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
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He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You ruined the universe
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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