Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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